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There are few thoughts as terrifying as the stranger’s abduction of your young child. Fear causes parents to think long and hard about the safety of their children. They say to them in a very clear voice: “Do not speak to strangers”.

The problem is, however, that a child’s perspective on a stranger is very different from that of a parent. From a child’s perspective, because a stranger is someone they are supposed to be afraid of, they expect a stranger to look ugly or scary. In fact, few, if any, strangers actually resemble the concept of a child’s notion. Next, to make things more confusing for children, we then teach them to respect and listen to their elders and to be polite. Then, as role models, the children see us talking to people we have never met before, day after day.

So young children understand and don’t want to talk to strangers. They will gladly avoid people of frightening appearance. However, when confronted with a sympathetic and kind elderly person, they will likely respond politely, which in most cases means “speak when spoken to” and, as they are taught in school, they will follow their instructions.

Helping young children not to speak to or accompany strangers takes much more than the simple reprimand “Don’t talk to strangers”.

Parents who want to increase the likelihood that their child will avoid or leave unknown people should spend a lot of time talking about the problem and teaching their children on an ongoing basis. These tips can help you:

When you are in the community, in fact, point out the different people and ask your child if they know them. Use it as an opportunity to explain that a stranger is someone we don’t know, no matter what they look like.

Then it becomes very important to differentiate the rules for adults and the rules for children. Sometimes you just have to phase it out like, “Are you old enough to talk to people you don’t know on your own?” then explain that they must have your permission to do so.

If a stranger approaches a child, they must be equipped with strategies to manage the situation. Some parents provide a “code word”. Explain to the child if someone does not know the code word, they are not allowed to go speak to them.

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