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Boys can legitimately tap in the first two of the big four emotions – happiness, anger, fear and sadness. In modern culture, boys are not cool, and it is not permissible to show sadness or fear.
No wonder anger is a big problem for many guys. It’s just a negative emotion that they can legitimately show where they can behave in the boy’s culture. If boys can’t show sadness or fear, then everything comes out as anger.
Parents should allow boys to tap into all four emotions at home.
Start by acknowledging their loss and frustration. (“It must be disappointing to miss out on the team.”) Instead of telling them to overcome things. It also helps if significant people in their lives (i.e. fathers) can lead them into space, recognizing sadness and fear when they happen in their life.
Then find ways to help them cope with loss and frustration that lead to sadness or events or aspects of their life that can be terrible. Avoiding such emotions only makes the boys bury them. Acknowledgement and management help lead to healthy emotional development – and less anger along the way.
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